so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
