Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
