party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
