I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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