Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
