There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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