I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
