New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How does it feel to date your dad?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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