I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
