Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
