Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
