how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
