did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
