I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
