i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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