the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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