mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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