We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
