Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
