I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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