Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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