don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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