what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
