put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
