I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
