We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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