I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
