There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he thought i was a dude.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
