I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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