i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
