She's JV to your varsity
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize