You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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