Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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