Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
