the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
