I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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