Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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