we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
