I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
