I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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