Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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