I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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