can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
