I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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