Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
