yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize