Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
