My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
