i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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