hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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