If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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