hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
