sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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