so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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