I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
