well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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