I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
