We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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