I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
