I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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