i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
