forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
