i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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