Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
