i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
