life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
