Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
