don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
