Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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