Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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