forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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