Kareoke will never be a sober sport
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
