I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
