I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
