how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
