you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
