Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
