I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
